


And how does that make you feel?

by Teriyakinoodles



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Attacks, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Oral Sex, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teriyakinoodles/pseuds/Teriyakinoodles
Summary: Ben struggles with anxiety and low self-esteem after the death of his father, so his therapist suggests doing something he's good at when he feels down. Ben is really good at making women come. Rey is confused about why her best friend insists he has to give her orgasms as a part of his therapy, but she doesn't complain.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 75
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	And how does that make you feel?

**Author's Note:**

> This fic suggestion came from the Reylo Prompts twitter!
> 
> Please check the tags and note that I discuss Ben's anxiety/depression in this fic and occasionally detail his anxiety/panic attacks - this may be triggering to some.
> 
> Smut begins in chapter 2, but for now, please enjoy! :) 

The cold leather of the sofa creaked under Ben's shifting weight. The sound was like nails on a chalkboard for him, so he stopped fidgeting immediately and instead threaded his fingers together. His therapist, Maz, peered over at him from her seat across the coffee table. 

Ben wrinkled his nose as he eyed up her chair. Fabric. Squashy. A throw over the back and a cushion under her elbow. Comfortable. His hard-backed cushionless abomination offended him even more now that he could see the better alternative. 

People often looked at him, all hard lines and a scowling face, and thought that his personality matched. They made  _ assumptions _ . Offered him the uncomfortable seat that looked like it belonged to a hard, scowling man. Nobody realised that inside he was soft, considerate, thoughtful, that he cared about such things. 

_ Well,  _ he thought,  _ there is one person who knows me inside and out-  _

Ben's gaze caught Maz's eyes, and he quickly averted his own, schooling his face into a passive expression and halting his lingering thoughts. He wasn't here to think about cushions or armchairs. He was here to discuss his  _ feelings _ . He tried not to visibly scoff again at that. 

Maz cleared her throat, a familiar precursor to the question: "how have you been since I last saw you?" 

Ben thought for a moment, genuinely considering his answer. 

"I went to visit his grave." 

"Ah."

A silence. A beat too long to be comfortable. Ben knew by now that Maz's preferred method was to wait out the awkwardness of it, but today she broke the silence with a question. 

"And how does that make you feel, taking that step?" 

Ben did grimace this time, he hated the cliche question, it prompted  _ self-reflection _ , which was a pain in the ass. 

"It was… nicer, than I thought. The location, I mean. It's not really something I'd thought about before… but seeing it there, surrounded by trees and hearing the birds. It was nice. He'd have liked it, I think." 

This time neither of them filled the following silence, but Ben was too lost in his thoughts to feel awkward. 

"And have you spoken to your mother yet? Your uncle?" Maz prompted. 

Ben shook his head, "no, to both. She's tried calling but… I just can't. There's too much there to deal with right now. I'm still struggling with the bl- the blame-" Ben cut himself short. It was still a work in progress, getting him to open up about his father's death. 

"What happened wasn't your fault, Ben. We've been over this," Maz said, not unkindly. 

"I just can't see how it wasn't, I just feel like I can never do anything right, I'm always fucking things up and that- what happened, that just takes the fucking cake, doesn't it? Like, what the fuck is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? I don't  _ deserve  _ to feel good about myself I don't  _ deserve  _ to smile and laugh and be happy when he's- he's not here anymore he's  _ dead  _ and it's  _ my fault Maz  _ it's  _ my fucking fau _ -"

"That's enough Ben. That's quite enough. Take a breath for a moment," Maz said firmly, halting Ben's increasingly anxious monologue. 

Ben stopped and put his head in his hands, fingers carded through his hair, his eyes wide but unseeing. He took a shaky breath, and then another one. He counted to ten. He closed his eyes and counted three things he could hear. Birds. A ticking clock. The shuffling of Maz's shoe as she crossed her legs. Two things he could smell. The cinnamon candle on the windowsill. The freshly cut grass outside the building. One thing he could taste. Mint toothpaste. The one he'd used this morning as Rey was banging on the door for him to hurry up and let her use the shower. The look on her face when she'd forced the shitty lock and he squirted the toothpaste tube at her in retribution. 

He took two more deep breaths before Maz spoke again. 

"Your self-esteem issues caused by your unresolved trauma and guilt are manifesting in self-loathing. You're in a downward spiral, Ben. You can break it when you try but it still takes my prompting to get you to come back to Earth. Your coping mechanisms have  progressed but the issue at the heart of it seems to be getting worse. This is not… ideal," she says gently. 

"Well, what do you suggest, then? I've tried everything you've said," he meant for this to sound scathing, irritated, but instead, he only sounded exhausted. 

"You're clearly taking on board my strategies for breaking an imminent anxiety attack, but ideally we don't want it to get that far. You've responded well to cognitive behavioural training so… I suggest we try intervening  _ before  _ these strategies are needed." 

Ben nodded, still only really half listening. His mind was elsewhere, on sunny smiles and freckled dimples. 

"I suggest that when you feel your thoughts going down a darker path,  _ immediately  _ stop and do something to distract yourself. Specifically, I'd like you to do something that you're good at. Get that dopamine flowing and your perception of your own self-worth to improve," she finishes with a smile. 

"So… do something I'm good at whenever I feel shit?" Ben questions. 

"Precisely," Maz says as if it's that simple. 

\--- 

Ben opted to walk the couple of blocks home, deep in consideration about the task he'd been given. It made sense, he supposed, his current techniques were all aimed at distracting his senses and bringing down his anxiety levels. This new suggestion was only the same, except also had the benefit of making him feel better about himself. 

There was just one problem, he wasn't particularly good at anything. 

As Ben approached his apartment building, the late autumn wind picked up, spots of rain hitting his face and whipping his hair into a damp, tangled mess. He spent the whole elevator ride attempting to sort the mop on his head before giving it up as a bad job as he arrived at his floor with a soft  _ ding.  _

He knew Rey would be home, as she was every Sunday at noon, and the thought lifted his spirits slightly. She'd been his rock throughout this whole ordeal, the passing of his father only bringing them closer together as she stood by him through his worst moments. She was the one who encouraged him to visit Maz, her old therapist from when she'd suffered badly from abandonment issues. She understood the process that he was going through, and her unwavering support had been a light in the dark times that he'd gone through. 

Rey was Ben's best friend, no doubt about it. It was just a shame she didn't reciprocate his affection towards her. A few months before his father died, she'd answered his roommate ad, showing up on his doorstep all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and he knew immediately he was a goner. 

He'd tried his hand at flirting with her a few times, but after noticing that it was going nowhere, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable and promptly halted his advances. He focused his attentions elsewhere, letting out his pent up sexual frustrations on the lucky women he found at bars around town, up until the night that changed his life forever and his father died. After the support she'd given him through his darkest times, he'd cherished her dearly as a close friend, resigned to the fact that she'd never be anything more. 

Great, now thanks to his depressing reverie he was in an even worse mood. He unlocked their apartment door and headed straight for the kitchen, making a beeline for the coffee maker. 

"Christ on a bike, what happened to you, Solo?" Rey's lilting tone drifted over the back of the couch, where she sat rather oddly. Legs up over the back of the sofa, head dangling down where her feet should have been, and- 

"How is that comfortable, Johnson?" he drawled, sparing her a glance. 

"The blood pooling in my head makes this awesome  _ whooshing  _ feeling when I roll over and stand up really quickly. Only there's a minor chance of the change in pressure making me, well,  _ pass out  _ is a strong word, but all I'm saying is don't look too closely at that vase your mother got you for your 28th birthday because there may or may not be a chip in it and it may or may not have left a graze on my elbow which  _ most definitely  _ was not caused by me passing out from standing up too quickly and- you didn't answer the question, what happened to you?" she rambled, in her usual distracted style. 

Ben turned back to his brewing coffee with a slight smirk, "I liked that vase." 

"No you didn't, you said, and I quote 'when did you visit the gift shop in hell, mother, because the warlock that crafted this abomination for you clearly had your pants down-' and then she hit you over the head with your book about stargazing," Rey, true to her word, rolled from her upside-down position and stood quickly, walking over to him with a slight wobble and a grin on her face. 

"But seriously," she continued as Ben took a tentative sip of his boiling energy-giving juice, "you look like you got in a fight with Tom Nook and lost, like, what, is he cashing in on your loans? Bitch better have my bells?" 

"Tom Nook- what-" 

"He's the scoundrel landlord from Animal Crossing that poses as a lovable raccoon to entice you into entering financially irresponsible and legally binding contracts with him-"

"I know, I know who Tom Nook is," Ben chuckled, on the cusp of laughter but still with a somewhat dampened mood from his gruelling therapy session. 

He noticed the moment Rey's eyes lost their playfulness, and it was replaced with care as she reached up and began combing his hair out with her fingers. 

"Bad day, huh?" she asked softly, returning his tangled mop to its normal state. The feel of her fingertips grazing his head, massaging the lugs from his hair, was like it's own version of therapy. He leant down so that she didn't have to stretch up so much, and opted to close his eyes so that he didn't need to torture himself by seeing her beautiful, freckled face up close. 

"You could say that," he said, voice a lot lower and gruffer than intended. 

Rey continued stroking his hair even after it was neat again, gently guiding him to sit next to her on the sofa, where he rested with his head in her lap. 

Ben felt guilty every time he secretly rejoiced in moments like these. He knew she was just being a good friend, her supportive personality knowing no bounds, but he loved the attention. He'd never had anyone, friend or otherwise, who had treated him with the care that Rey had. 

"So, what did the old bat say this time?" Rey questioned. 

"I told her about visiting his grave, she asked me  _ how that made me feel _ ," he lamented. 

Rey scoffed, "why do they always ask that?" 

Ben hummed in agreement before continuing, "she also said that to stop a downward spiral of thoughts I need to do something I'm good at, every time I feel like shit," Ben explained, "only, I don't know what I'm good at." 

"Well, surely there's something. You do calligraphy, you enjoy cooking…" she began listing things as she started on braiding his hair. To his credit, Ben let her, enjoying the soothing feeling, safe in the knowledge that she'd never divulge to anyone else just how much he liked moments like this. 

"I'm not really  _ good  _ at those things, they're just things I do to pass the time…" Ben considered for a moment and then chuckled as an idea came to him. 

"What? Have you thought of something?" Rey asked, finishing off her first braid and starting on the second. 

"Well, yes… but it's stupid," Ben replied, still chuckling at the absurdity of it all. 

"I'm sure it's not stupid if it's going to help, Solo, what is it?" she stopped playing with his hair, fixing him with a stern look that allowed for no arguments. 

"No, it's ridiculous, and besides it requires an… assistant, so to speak," Ben shook his head,  _ no way  _ was he going down this route. 

"Come on, I'll help you! You know I'd do anything if it's going to help!" Rey exclaimed, somewhat offended by his assumption that she'd be anything other than supportive. 

Ben couldn't stop the surprised giggle that left him at the visualization, "oh, you sure, Johnson?" he challenged. 

"Yes! Lay it on me, what is it?" Rey exclaimed, never one to back down. 

Ben chuckled again,  _ fuck it _ , he thought, "well, you know, one thing I'm  _ really  _ good at is making women come," Ben revealed finally, and the scandalised look on Rey's face made him laugh out loud as she whacked his shoulder with the hand not massaging his scalp. 

"Benjamin Solo, what would your mother say?!" she laughed along with him now as her initial shock waned. 

"It's true though! I mean, it's been a while, since before my dad… well, you know… but, before all this, I'm not saying I slept around a lot, but I was particularly proud of my abilities in the bedroom!" Ben defended himself from her shoulder-slapping onslaught, trying to keep a straight face and failing. 

Rey howled with laughter, "what, so your therapist has prescribed you women's orgasms? Take two of these and call me in the morning," she made an obscene gesture with her hands, mimicking fucking. 

Ben laughed along, but the more he thought about it, the more he thought that it might be a good idea. He had feelings for Rey, sure, but he could ignore those, safe in the knowledge that it would only be a 'friends-with-benefits' situation for her. He'd get to distract himself from his declining mental health, and he'd get to make her feel good too. He'd push down his own emotions if it meant he'd get to experience this with her. 

"Listen though, listen, it's perfect! What better distraction is there! I'm good at it, you'll enjoy it, it's a win-win!" he reasoned. 

Rey giggled along, "yeah sure, and then after- wait. Wait. Wait.  _ I'll  _ enjoy it?!" 

"Uhh...yes? If you still wanted to help, I mean?" Ben clarified, suddenly a little shy. 

"I thought- I mean, I assumed you meant to be your wingman or-" Rey scrambled to collect her thoughts

"Look, it's totally fine if this is a line you don't want to cross, I know you don't think of me that way, but I trust you more than anyone else in my life, you're my best friend. It won't change anything between us. It just kind of seems like the obvious answer and-"

"Yes," Rey interrupted. 

It took Ben a moment to catch up, "...yes?" 

Rey nodded, resolute in her decision, with eyes shining, wide and excited. Ben almost couldn't believe the turn that this conversation had taken. 

"O-okay, well, thank you?" Ben looked up at her from his position still on her lap, and they both chuckled together at the silliness of it all when a thought struck him. 

"We're still best friends though, yeah? That's not going to change, that's - that's all this will be, like, you doing me a favour?" he clarified. Rey was the most important person in his life, and Ben didn't want to lose her friendship over this when the time came for her to move on. As heartbreaking as it was, he knew Rey was too good for him, too beautiful, too kind, and the day would soon come when she would find a suitable partner and break off their arrangement. 

Rey's face fell slightly, Ben thought it must be with pity, and she confirmed with a solemn, "yes, of course, that's all this is." 

Ben fought down the slight disappointment, Rey didn't owe him anything, he was lucky enough to get to be in her life, and the way she was offering to help him now was almost too good to be true. 

He reached his hand up to thread his fingers through hers, squeezing slightly as he smiled at her and received a brilliant toothy grin on return. 

"So, I guess-" Rey started, but was immediately interrupted by the harsh trill of her phone ringing. 

Ben moved aside as she rose to answer it, catching only snippets of her side of the conversation,  _ "yes, sir, yes… uh-huh, I can be there… yes, I'll sort it…"  _

Ben finished his coffee as he waited for Rey to finish her call, looking up when she finally came back into the room. 

"Plutt again?" he asked, noticing her annoyed expression. 

She nodded, "I have to go into the yard, someone's arrived to buy the car I've been working on, but it's not done yet and if I don't get the spark plugs sorted-urgh, don't even get me started," she rambled as she pulled on her boots and coat, "I'm sorry, I'll be back in a couple of hours?" 

Ben nodded, understanding, "sure." 

Rey suddenly smirked as she caught his eye. She jogged up to him and rose to her tiptoes, planting a light peck on his cheek, "call me when you want to make me come." 

Ben sucked in a surprised gasp, his face aflame with a deep blush, mouth slack as he watched her giggle and rush out of their apartment, twirling her fingers in a girlish wave as she took her exit. 

_ I'm fucked,  _ was his final thought as he thunked down, face first, into the sofa,  _ I'm utterly fucked.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to read your comments! 
> 
> Say hello to me on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/TeriyakiNoodz)


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